This same DVD box set of The Apprentice Season One has been for sale at the same BJ’s Wholesale Club for years. Season one was in 2004 and the store opened sometime around then, so I’d say it’s been on the shelf for at least eight years. I remember seeing it on the shelf in high school, now I’m two and a half years out of college. They even moved and condensed the DVD section last year but somehow it still survived.
They could at least put it on sale. The package is all frayed and ripped. Also there is literally no demand for a DVD of The Apprentice. Donald Trump definitely didn’t make millions selling these DVD sets. In fact, I’m willing to bet he lost money. At this point I should just buy it as a collectors item, a relic of a time when Donald Trump actually thought people wanted to pay money to REWATCH his show.
I bet the staff knows about this DVD, and whoever buys it will be talked about forever. Like “remember that weird dude who paid money to own a ten year old hard copy of The Apprentice?” That, or it’s a contest run by The Donald himself. When the DVD is scanned at the cash register, The Donald comes flying down from the rafters on a jet pack with balloons and a giant check and says “Bad news is you’re fired. Good news is you’re the only person on Earth that bought my DVD so now I will share with you my billions of dollars!” Also an Ed McMahon lookalike is with him for some reason.
So whenever The Donald goes on another racist insane Twitter tirade (RITT, for short), just remember the guy couldn’t sell a DVD set for ten years.
I always listen to a classic rock station when I’m driving. I’m always thinking “How can they possibly play this song again? Play something different for once!” Then this week they actually started playing different stuff. About two minutes in and I’m like “What is this crap? Play the classics! It’s called classic rock, not random songs nobody’s ever heard.” Then I changed it to the other classic rock station that also claims to be “Richmond’s Only Classic Rock Station.”
I guess they answered my question as to why they play the same songs all the time.
Ads for Hulu Plus should just be the CEO of Hulu speaking in Italian accent:
"Hey, we’re like Netflix but with commercials, okay?! Whaddayagonnado? We gotsum original series too! None ya wanna watch, but we gottem! Hey, send me $7.99 a month and fuggeitaboutit! All I’m sayin’ is it’d be a real shame to miss out on Moone Boy!”
How have scientists not created a way to keep your hair the same length? We can have our hair laser removed so that it never grows and use Rogaine to make our hair grow more, so why can’t we have it stay the same length? It’s a conspiracy! The world’s scientists are in the pocket of “Big Haircut,” the group of multimillion dollar corporations that own hair salons all over this fine country.
Scientists can grow a human ear on the back of a mouse, use a 3D printer to print out human lungs, bomb the moon, and I’m supposed to believe that they haven’t come up with a way to have my hair stay the same length? Whatever happened with that Moon bombing thing anyway? Seemed like it was kind of a stupid thing to do, but I’m no scientist.
The same goes for fingernails. What, we just have to keep trimming our fingernails and toenails like monkeys? Do monkeys trim their fingernails? That might be funny to see. Scientists are obviously in the pocket of “Big Clipper,” the group of multimillion dollar nail clipper manufacturers.
The Internet will find a way, it always makes everything obsolete, even you, Big Haircut and Big Clipper.
Here’s a picture of Jason Alexander aka George Costanza with hair obviously designed by the worlds greatest scientists:
I think CBS might have put too much stock in the belief that people would like Under The Dome. I mean, just look at their fall lineup. Was it really necessary to have all their shows set under domes?
Monday, Sept. 23
8-9pm – How I Met Your Mother Under The Dome
9-9:30pm – 2 Broke Girls Under The Dome
9:30-10pm – Mom Under The Dome
10-11pm – Hostages Under The Dome
Tuesday, Sept. 24
8-9pm – NCIS: Under The Dome
9-10pm – NCIS: Los Angeles: Under The Dome
10-11pm – Person of Interest Under The Dome
Wednesday, Sept. 25
9-10pm – Criminal Minds Under The Dome
10-11pm – CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: Under The Dome
Thursday, Sept. 26
8-8:30pm – The Big Bang Theory Under The Dome
8:30-9pm – The Millers Under The Dome
9-9:30pm – The Crazy Ones Under The Dome
9:30-10pm – Two and a Half Men Under The Dome
10-11pm – Elementary Under The Dome
Friday, Sept. 27
8-9pm – Undercover Boss Under The Dome
9-10pm – Hawaii-Five 0 Under The Dome
10-11pm – Blue Bloods Under The Dome
Saturday, Sept. 28
10-11pm – 48 Hours Under The Dome
Sunday, Sept. 29
7-8pm – 60 Minutes Under The Dome
8-9pm – The Amazing Race Under The Dome
9-10pm – The Good Wife Under The Dome
10-11pm – The Mentalist Under The Dome
Tired Of Being Killed In Ratings, “Anger Management” May Hire Actual Killer
Congrats to FX, they finally found a way to get me to watch Charlie Sheen’s Anger Management. When it premiered, I was like “I’ll watch that when pigs fly and OJ Simpson guest stars!” Cut to today when the rumor is that OJ Simpson is guest starring on Anger Management and a pig is flying in that Geico commercial.
Based on an article I just read, somebody associated with Simpson says the show’s executives want him to guest star but some other person associated with FX says it will never happen. That means it’s happening! Anytime a company denies something, that means it is definitely happening. Set your DVRs (I don’t have one, can I come over?)
Imagine the insanity of a set with Charlie Sheen and OJ Simpson. Of course I’m tuning in. Throw Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes in the episode too, maybe get the Royal Baby. The entire studio audience would be TMZ employees, and I bet that somehow there would be less behind-the-scenes drama than on Community. And OJ is “innocent,” right? I mean, he is legally required to use quotes around the word “innocent,” but why should that or being in prison stop him from being on a terrible TV show?
FX needs me to be watching their channel. I watch just about all of their shows and now they’re taking half of them and putting them on a new channel, FXX. Of course I won’t get FXX on my cable subscription. So that leaves me with the option of paying more money for the exact same content. Not happening. That’s how they reward me for watching Always Sunny In Philadelphia for eight years, even since season one when nobody was watching. I guess I’ll wait for the Blu-Ray. By the way, why are Blu-Rays so hard to find? It’s 2013, DVDs are obsolete. Stop selling them. If he can’t guest star, at least let OJ manufacture FX Blu-Ray discs in prison.
RELATED NEWS: Charles Manson to guest star on Showtime’s Californication.
Like I said previously, they should’ve added Alec Baldwin at the end going “PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN! Coffee is for closers.”
If coffee was for closers like Baldwin said, there would be no coffee in Twin Peaks until late in the series when they closed the case.
My Thoughts On This Scene From Hannibal
If someone is buying a clear jumpsuit like that they should be arrested immediately. The cashier should just push a button under the counter and a SWAT team storms the into the store, guns drawn. Or if they’re buying it online, the SWAT team is busting down the person’s door seconds after they click “add to cart.” I hope that is part of PRISM.
Seriously, what can a person be doing to necessitate a full body suit like that? Nothing good, I can tell you that. If you see someone wearing that suit you’re about to be violently murdered. Nobody was ever like “I’m doing some painting at my local homeless shelter, I better buy this full body clear protective jumpsuit so I don’t stain my clothes.” They were thinking “I’m going to be killing someone in a very bloody way. There is going to be a TON of splatter.”
On second thought, it would make a pretty good Halloween costume. I can’t find one online, I googled “full body clear jumpsuit” and…oh, no I just googled “full body clear jumpsuit.” THE SWAT TEAM IS HERE!!! I didn’t even find it or add it to my cart!
UPDATE: I explained to the SWAT team that I just googled it for purposes of a blog post about the NBC television program Hannibal. They said “Nice try, that’s a movie.” They also say they’re not fixing my door and “There’s not going to be any doors where you’re going.”
UPDATE 2: I have escaped custody, deleted browsing history, and am currently seeking asylum. Anyone got Snowden’s number?
Don’t even think about buying one of those jumpsuits, they’re only good for murderin’ and meth cookin’.