Every Episode Of Dog The Bounty Hunter Ever
They say that right before you die your life flashes before your eyes. Unfortunately, a significant portion of life is watching marathons of Dog The Bounty Hunter. Sure, every episode is the same, but it’s still entertaining. In case you don’t want to be entertained through the various hijinks of The Dog Clan, here’s a summary of every episode:
After that theme song gets stuck in your head, every episode of Dog The Bounty Hunter starts in the conference room. The whole Dog Family is there, who all happen to have different mothers due to Dog impregnating 243 women in his lifetime. First someone puts a wanted sign of their next target on the bulletin board. Dog always has some version of “We’re gonna nail this scumbag. Pieces of trash like this don’t deserve to walk these streets…Let’s all gather in a circle and pray!” The criminal is always someone who is addicted to speed, sells speed, and has deserted their kids.
After interrogating and harassing the criminal’s friends, they finally find the guy. Dog sees him and always yells “Freeze Muthaf!##$%!” while wielding his pepper spray gun, or whatever that thing is. Dog violently tackles the guy and says something like “Get in the car you piece of trash ice-head, you’re goin’ away for a long time, bra.” Then he grabs the guy by the neck and throws him in the car, usually saying something like “There’s a special place in Hell for scum like you.”
While they’re in the car, Dog talks trash for a few more minutes. He stops right before the point where it would get too uncomfortable. Then they get to talking and Dog starts to feel sorry for the guy. Then Dog’s all like “You gotta watch out for your kids, bra, get off that ice” and “I’ve been through it, man. You remind me of myself at your age, brother.” Also, somehow Dog goes from saying “You’re going away for a long time, you piece of human garbage” to “You know, you’ll be out in a few days, bra,” like Dog has any say in how long the guy’s jail sentence is.
When they get out of the car at the jail everyone’s crying. Dog says to the criminal “I wish we could’ve stopped to get you a cheeseburger…you wanna smoke?” You can tell Dog’s a millionaire based on the amount of cigarettes he gives away. Dog lets the guy smoke some cigarettes and then tells his son to go put the guy in jail. Lastly, in every episode, Dog says “I hate to see him go to jail, he’s a good guy. I had him judged all wrong at first. Let’s go nail some more scumbags, bra!”
