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norwegiantrash reblogged this from danhanlon
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danhanlon posted this
A Final Pitch From Billy Mays
HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR RETRO TV CASE! Remember when TV’s were huge pieces of furniture the whole family gathered around? Well those days are back with Retro TV Case!
Confused and frustrated by all your different TV remotes? There’s one for the TV, one for the cable box, one for the DVD, it’s just so hard! Well, not to worry anymore! The Retro TV Case is just like a TV in the ’80s, so no more remotes for you! The Retro TV Case miraculously blocks all remote reception! Just get off the sofa to use the convenient adjustment knob whenever you want to change the channel or adjust the volume! It’s that simple!
Ever have your wall-mounted TV fall off your wall and become permanently damaged? Well that’ll never happen again with Retro TV Case! Just easily place your flat-screen television inside the giant wooden box-stand and you’ll be watching TV like it’s 1987 in no time! Wow, that’s nice wood! Hey, where’d I put those old Betamax tapes?!
BUT THAT’S NOT IT!
Call now and we’ll throw in the Retro iPhone Case. Your iPhone already gets reception like it’s a payphone from the ’80s, so why not give it that classic ’80s look? That’s a $20 value, yours for the small price of walking around looking like a complete idiot with this thing!
BUT IT STILL DOESN’T END THERE! Call in the next 30 minutes and we’ll send current Unsolved Mysteries host and ’80s star Dennis Farina to your house to hook up your new Retro TV Case! That’s a $15 value, yours for just the price of welcoming Dennis Farina* into your home! The only Unsolved Mystery here is why you’re not picking up the phone and calling us right now!
So that’s one Retro TV Case for five easy payments of $200, plus we throw in the Retro iPhone case and Dennis Farina for absolutely no cost! Here’s how to order: Walk into your nearest Urban Outfitters and tell ‘em Billy sent ‘ya.
*Note: Dennis Farina will require a dressing room, a .22 caliber pistol, a bucket of Bojangle’s fried chicken and whole cajun fried turkey, and seasons 1-2 of Crime Story on VHS tape.
