It's Dan's Blog.

I’m sure there have been thousands of articles about dumb things people do on Facebook, but I never see people mention some of these:

Rooting For Sports Teams

On Sundays, my friends’ status updates are always like “Go Patriots!!!” and I’m always thinking, “you know, I think Tom Brady and the rest of the New England Patriots staff might be a little too busy to be reading Chuck from Mechanicsville, Virginia’s Facebook page.”

Do these people think that during halftime, the whole Patriots football team sits down and sifts through all the posts wishing them well?  Are they going to be like “Oh, Mary in Fresno says ‘Let’s Go Pats!’ so I guess we should start playing hard now.”

Posting To A Dead Person’s Page

Nowadays, whenever someone dies, their friends always write “We’ll never forget you” on the dead guy’s Facebook page.  I’m always like, “I’d already forgot about you until I read that you died on Facebook two minutes ago.”

I don’t know if people don’t realize it, but dead people don’t have Facebook, or much less an internet connection.  Even if they did, say they’re in Heaven and can know the answer to all the Universe’s questions, I doubt they’d be like “I wonder what my old Facebook pal Chuck has to say about that time I died choking on that chicken bone?”

“Liking” Their Own Posts

Probably the stupidest thing people do is “like” their own posts.  Isn’t the whole purpose to post things that you like?  For example, if Chuck posts “Just won a new car!” and “likes” that post, is anybody really thinking “Oh, good thing Chuck liked that post of his, wasn’t sure how he felt about winning that new car there.”

Commenting On Their Own Post

Commenting on your own post before anyone else is the equivalent of walking around in public talking to yourself without a Bluetooth.  It just looks really desperate when people write “Going to Target!” and then comment “Might go to the bank first” and “Forgot, I gotta fill up the gas tank,” then “Okay, I’m leaving now!”  NOBODY CARES! That’s why nobody commented on it or “liked” it. 

Wishing People Who Aren’t On Facebook A Happy Birthday On Facebook

I always see people wishing their grandparents a happy birthday on Facebook when their grandparents aren’t even on Facebook.  My grandparents, like most grandparents, probably have no idea what Facebook or social networking are.  They are just as much likely to read that post as Tom Brady is to read that post saying “Go Patriots!” or their dead friend is to read his Facebook page.

Don’t even get me started on “liking” and commenting on your own post that says “Happy birthday Babe Ruth, RIP, Go Yankees!!!” 

Oh yeah I did! High five, Zuck!!