Canadian Club Reminds You That You Too Can Have Awesome Crippling Alcoholism Like Don Draper
The season 5 Blu-Ray of Mad Men features this insert and a video about how to make cocktails featuring what the main character Don Draper considers water, Canadian Club. It’s nice to see an alcohol company fully embrace a total alcoholic character like Don Draper (pictured below) instead of asking to have footage of their product removed, like Budweiser is doing to the movie Flight that features Denzel Washington’s alcoholic character drinking Budweiser. It’s nice to have them basically say, “This character gets drunk all day, drinks and drives, and loses his family, but hey, we approve and encourage you to do the same…drink smart!”
Here are some Mad Men ads about Don Draper that Canadian Club might think are too “on the nose.”
- Next time you abandon your family on your daughter’s birthday to go get drunk by the railroad tracks and stare off in to darkness, choose Canadian Club Whiskey: Aged 12 years, the same age as the daughter you’ll disappoint.
- If you enjoy getting slapped by a prostitute on Thanksgiving morning, you’ll enjoy Premium Extra Aged Canadian Club Whisky…Goes down smooth!
- After you cause two people to hang themselves, boy does a classic Canadian Club cocktail hit the spot!
- Ever started drinking on a Friday afternoon and woken up on Sunday morning with some random waitress and a phone call from your ex-wife telling you that you forgot to pick up the kids and that it’s not the day you think it is? Well we hope you chose smooth Canadian Club Whisky.
Stock photo of Don Draper below:
By the way, why isn’t Budweiser also trying to get removed from Mad Men? Don Draper drinks Budweiser (pictured below) when he’s cutting down on his drinking in the season 4 episode Summer Man, of course, “cutting down” meaning only eight drinks a day.
Anyway, drink up! It’s the holidays®™. (Registered trademark, Canadian Club Whisky, 2012.)
Can Redesign Survey
Budweiser recently introduced a new can design. They polled many beer drinkers on the change, here are some questions they asked:
1. Will the new design change your drinking habits?*
- 10% said they will no longer drink Budweiser and would switch the 7-11 brand of beer, called “Beer.”
- 20% said they were currently too drunk to answer the question.
- 70% solemnly swore to remain a raging alcoholic, promising to drink whatever hooch, juice, swill, or sauce they can get their alcohol-withdraw-induced sweat covered hands on.
2. Does the new design make Budweiser seem like a premium beer or a cheap beer?*
- 60% said they were too wasted to see the label.
- 20% said it makes it seem like a “road beer.”
- 10% responded “I love you, man.”
- 10% angrily slurred the words “No, man, you’re the one who’s cheap! You are!”
3. Does the label make you think Bud is brewed in America or abroad?*
- 70% said it seemed like it was brewed by Bear Grylls due to it’s accurate urine taste.
- 10% said “It tastes like it was made by a man, not a broad.”
- 15% drunkenly chanted “USA! USA! USA!”
- 5% had fallen asleep by this point.
4. Is there anything you would change about the new design?*
- 40% said they wouldn’t change anything.
- 20% responded “More pictures of Macho Man Randy Savage.”
- 10% replied that they would like a complimentary paper bag with each can, preferably with pornographic photos on the bag.
- 10% screamed “EEEEEaaarrrnnnhhhhaaaaarrrrrdddddttt!!!!”
- 20% crashed their cars while drinking and answering the survey on their cell phone, all while driving.
*the people asking these survey questions and the people in charge of the statistics were also drunk on Bud, making this whole survey completely unreliable.