Since the Internet doesn’t have a laugh track like popular television sitcoms, it’s hard to tell if something is supposed to be funny. Well, now that problem is solved with The Kevin Eubanks Laugh Activation Indicator. With the Kevin Eubanks Laugh Activation Indicator you’ll never have to worry if you should be laughing at something again, Kevin Eubanks’ image will just pop up on your screen and tell you exactly how funny something is. Through a patented 2 Stage Laugh Activation Process, The Laugh Indicator will determine when something is “Funny,” or “Super Funny,” and tell you exactly how much to laugh so you can fully enjoy the hilariousness that is the website you happen to be reading.
UPDATE: Now officially endorsed by Kevin Eubanks through a re-tweet on Twitter.
Why Burger King, why? Why Jay Leno? Why salads? Leno just admitted to not having eaten a vegetable since 1969. Plus, who orders a salad at a Burger King? That’s like going to a liquor store to buy a bottle of water.
Also, are we supposed to think that the African-American guy is Kevin Eubanks? Because it definitely isn’t, but they gave him the same mustasche and sidekick position. Wait, is assuming they want us to think one African-American gentleman is another African-American gentleman racist of them or me? I don’t know, I guess I’ll think about it while I eat a Big Mac.
Good One, Jay.
Good one, Jay!
*cue guitar solo*
This has been Good One, Jay, where a photo of Kevin Eubanks sarcastically says “Good one, Jay” in response to one of Jay Leno’s bad monologue jokes posted to Twitter.
My Apology For Watching Leno
I would like to sincerely apologize to fans of comedy and television everywhere for having watched The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on June 16th 2011. I consider myself to be a loyal viewer of David Letterman and Conan O’Brien’s programs and do not normally condone any viewing of Jay Leno. I meant no ill will towards Mr Letterman or Mr O’Brien’s programs, however, on this day I tuned in to Mr Leno’s program in order to watch his guest, the hilarious Larry David. While I am an equal opportunity laugher, my friends know that in my heart I find Mr Leno to be clearly unfunny in every context. I hope that the comedy and television community can find it in their hearts to forgive me.
Unfortunately, I will have to tune in to Mr Leno’s program once again next week to see the great Louis CK. I hope that people can understand that I am watching Mr Leno’s show for his comedic genius guests and not for his own horrible attempt at “comedy”. Please take notice that I cringed every time Mr Leno opened his mouth and did not laugh once at his remarks in the June 16th Larry David episode. Once again, I apologize from the bottom of my heart and hope that you can find it somewhere within yourself to forgive me.
Celebrities are auditioning to be the voice of the Aflac Duck:
"Hey, uh, how ‘bout that Aflac there, ehh?" -Norm MacDonald
"But tell me, how’s my feathers? They’re not too poofy?" -Garry Shandling
"Can I ask, How big is your beak? Have you ever been with another duck?" -Howard Stern
"Listen up cats, Aflac’s like little Timmy Richards hopped up on caffeine at the ‘87 Rose Bowl, I mean, come onnnn!" -Dennis Miller
"Hurt…and missing work….must….choose……Aflac" -William Shatner
"Why’s-the duck-gottabeee-white?” -Chris Rock
" Aflac?…mehh….not so much" -Larry David
"THIS AFLAC IS OUTTA CONTROLLLL!!!!!!!! Who signed me up for this?…….GELMANNNN!!!!!” -Regis Philbin
"I like the Aflac duck so much I want to take it behind the Aflac Offices and get it pregnant" -Tracy Morgan
"It’s a great day for America everybody, yes it is. So good in fact, today I put on a duck costume and did weird things for a creepy old chubby dude in a trailer…….and then later I auditioned to be the voice of the Aflac Duck." -Craig Ferguson
"You’re all going home with FREEEE DUCKKKK FEEEEDDDD!!!!" -Oprah
"Take a look at this one: It say’s ‘Get an Alf quote’, yes ladies and gentlemen, not an Aflac quote, but an Alf quote. Apparently the duck likes 80s sitcoms now.” -Jay Leno’s Headlines
"Here is one of my favorite things ever, so cool. So good, just great, unbelievable, they’re totally awesome and incredible. The one and only…Aflac" -Jimmy Fallon
"The Duck voice has spoken, grab your agents, head on back to Starbucks." -Jeff Probst
"HAHAHA *cough* HAAHAHA, Aflac, *cough* AAHAHAHA *cough*” -Seth Rogen
"Don’t you interrupt me!!! 50 years ago we’d have you hangin’ from the rafters cookin’ for dinner, He’s a bird! He’s a biiiiiiird!!” -Michael Richards
"Can momma get some wine?!" -Kathie Lee Gifford
Stuff I Found Funny a Week Ago
I like funny things and most people like funny things, so here are things I found funny a week ago (or my attempt to make a relevant yet week late post)
Chris Elliott joins the NYPD on Letterman (here).
Chris Elliott and Andy Richter disturbingly watch Skins on Conan (here).
Craig Ferguson on Conan confuses you as to what late night show you’re watching (here).
Portlandia's shockingly realistic portrayal of dumpster divers (here).
Dana Carvey emerges from obscurity like Puxsutawney Phil yet is still hilarious (here).
The Complete Oral History of Party Down answers every question a person who has seen the show way too many times, like me, could possibly have (here).
Tina Fey’s essay in The New Yorker (here)
The most random hobby you can have: extreme ironing (here).