You didn’t watch his version of Curb Your Enthusiasm entitled The Paul Reiser Show. You also probably won’t watch his version of Louie entitled Paulie, but he made it anyway. Coming soon to NBC, the series directed by, written by, produced by, key gripped by, and food serviced by Paul Reiser starring Paul Reiser, Paulie.
Only on NBC: We peacock comedy.
The Best Halloween Costume: Black Shirt
Halloween costumes are expensive. That’s why you can wear a costume you probably already have in your closet: a black t-shirt. A black t-shirt will give you many options of celebrities to imitate at your Halloween party, and it’s much more acceptable than black-face.
1. Steve Jobs- Hey, it’s topical. Jobs is known for his black turtle necks and jeans, which is a pretty cheap outfit for the richest man in the world. If you are very insensitive, you could go as Zombie Steve Jobs. Zombies are really “in” right now.
2. Ricky Gervais- The good thing about dressing as Gervais is that you can be his “before” picture or his “after” picture, meaning he used to be a big fat guy. So if you’re obese you can go as “Early Ricky Gervais” and if you’re in shape you can go as “Present Day Ricky Gervais.” Although, if you have a beard or big sunglasses you must go as Present Day Ricky Gervais.
Looking like Gervais isn’t enough, you’re going to have to act like him. Make sure you speak in a British accent and have a really loud laugh. Maybe make a speech that turns into a roast where you insult all the party attendees. If you want it to be really topical, call all the dumb people “mongs,” and plug your new show Life Too Short and season 2 of HBO’s The Ricky Gervais Show. You could also discuss how you just joined Twitter and say “All this fan mail gets old, yeah?”
3. James Franco- So you have a black shirt but you happen to have a weird mustache? Not a problem. Actor James Franco frequently wears black shirts and just happens to have a really weird ‘stache. Carry a big stack of scripts and textbooks with you and say “Yeah, I’m enrolled in twenty five colleges right now and am in the middle of shooting about twelve art films. So I guess I’m pretty busy.” Then you can either get high or act like you’re really high, either way works.
4. Louis CK or Chris Rock- If you’re a balding red head, you can go as the great comedian Louis CK. If you’re a thin African American gentleman, you can go as Chris Rock. If you have a friend of the opposite race, consider going as Louie and Rock together, since they’re friends in real life. This is probably a bad idea, since you won’t be as funny as either one and you’ll just end up being some guy in a black t-shirt that keeps being asked “where’s your costume?”
5. Yanni or Kenny G- What’s the difference between Yanni and Kenny G? There isn’t one because nobody knows or cares. If you have a huge mustasche, go as Yanni. If you have weird hair and look unshaven, go as Kenny G. Well, I’m just guessing because I don’t know which one is which. Also, get a saxophone or whatever it is that they play.
6. Johnny Cash- The Man In Black, self explanatory.
7. The Man In Black/Smoke Monster- This costume is about a year late but LOST fans will still appreciate it. You’ll also need three other supplies: a friend, a recording of a clicking sound, and a bag of charcoal. You also may want to carry around a numbered list of everyone at the party and cross off names as the night goes on.
Once at the party, say hello to everyone. Make sure to act like you’re mad at someone and then leave the room. Once you’re gone, Have your friend light the charcoal so that it generates a bunch of black smoke and then have him turn on the tape of the clicking sound. People will be like “Where’s all that smoke coming from?” , “What’s that noise?” ,”Where did the Man In Black guy go?”, and “Oh my God, we’re all going to die!”
Soon there will be a ton of black smoke covering the room. Maybe have your friend taser or electrocute a few guys while the smoke is heavy. Once the smoke dies down, you’ll appear right where the smoke was. Everyone will wonder if you really are the Black Smoke Monster. When you appear, make sure to say something cryptic like “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” Finally, break a bunch of wine bottles and say “You can’t contain me anymore, Jacob. You can’t contain me!”
8. Ozzy Osbourne- If you have long hair and plan on getting belligerently drunk, you may want to consider going as Ozzy Osbourne. That way, you can say a bunch of stuff that nobody understands yet remain completely in character. Optional accessories include fake tattoos and a bat which you will bite the head off of (real or fake, it’s up to you).
There are two kinds of people in life: those who listen to DVD audio commentaries and those who have lives. I’m about to join the commentary listeners, because who wouldn’t listen to Louis CK’s commentary?
By the way, this set has DVD on one side and Blu-Ray on the other side. I didn’t even know that technology existed.
My Apology For Watching Leno
I would like to sincerely apologize to fans of comedy and television everywhere for having watched The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on June 16th 2011. I consider myself to be a loyal viewer of David Letterman and Conan O’Brien’s programs and do not normally condone any viewing of Jay Leno. I meant no ill will towards Mr Letterman or Mr O’Brien’s programs, however, on this day I tuned in to Mr Leno’s program in order to watch his guest, the hilarious Larry David. While I am an equal opportunity laugher, my friends know that in my heart I find Mr Leno to be clearly unfunny in every context. I hope that the comedy and television community can find it in their hearts to forgive me.
Unfortunately, I will have to tune in to Mr Leno’s program once again next week to see the great Louis CK. I hope that people can understand that I am watching Mr Leno’s show for his comedic genius guests and not for his own horrible attempt at “comedy”. Please take notice that I cringed every time Mr Leno opened his mouth and did not laugh once at his remarks in the June 16th Larry David episode. Once again, I apologize from the bottom of my heart and hope that you can find it somewhere within yourself to forgive me.
Stuff I Found Funny A Week Ago (3)
- Louis CK is probably the funniest human alive, and on this radio show he asks Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld if he is a lizard space alien who eats Mexican babies and human flesh. He does not deny it. (here)
- This website has a list of every fake movie and TV show from 30 Rock. (here)
- Eagleheart is definitely one of the craziest shows on TV and one of the funniest. Check out these rejected billboards, some of which are horrible. (here)
- Comedian Harland Williams brought some absurdity to Conan. (here)
- Norm MacDonald eats lollipops during radio interviews. (here and here)
- Patton Oswalt promotes his new book on Craig Ferguson. (here)
- Speaking of Craig Ferguson, go to this website and you can create a free account and watch his new stand-up movie Does This Need to be Said? (here)
- Doug Benson had the cast of Parks and Recreation on his podcast. (here)
- On Late Night Chris Pratt says he was a traveling salesman and lived in a van…but my question is was it down by the river? (Part 1 and Part 2)
- There’s another article by Tina Fey in The New Yorker, this time about SNL, and now I wish I had a subscription to The New Yorker. (here)
- Howard Stern and Jimmy Kimmel are vacation buddies on Jimmy Kimmel Live. (Part 1)
- I wish I was at SXSW so I could see the new “Mean Conan” documentary Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop. (here)
- Zach Galifianakis hosting SNL was really good again (here). I liked how they took this “hamburger” catchprase comedian and made this Kings of Catchprase commercial about it.