Manson Mad Men Theorists Almost As Crazy As Manson
Some people on the Internet have the theory that in the final season of Mad Men, Megan is going to be murdered by Charles Manson. Do they know what show they’re watching? That’s not going to happen. However it does make me wonder if Manson gets TV access in prison and if he’s eagerly watching while thinking “Am I on Mad Men this week?” He’s probably saying the same thing these Internet theorists say, but he’s saying them to his fellow psycho-killer inmates. He turns to the mass murderer next to him and says “Look, Megan’s an actress that’s wearing the same shirt as the actress I had a role in killing wore! I’m so gonna be on Mad Men next week.” Then season 7 came around and he’s going “Look man, Megan’s living in the canyons of LA, just like the actress I had a role in killing!” A few episodes later Don’s pregnant niece Stephanie visits Megan and Manson gets excited, “I had a role in murdering a pregnant woman! And she says she was impregnated by a musician from the Bay Area that’s been to jail, that’s totally me!”
No Manson related stuff happens on the show for awhile and his whole cell block is telling him he’s not going to be on Mad Men. Manson then starts grasping at straws, “Think about it man, Don and Megan are separated, just like Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate, whom I had a role in killing, were! Come on, Peggy was holding a can of Folgers coffee, that’s definitely alluding to the fact that I had a role in killing the heir to the Folgers fortune! You gotta connect the dots, man!”
The Internet theorists have connected the dots, and I don’t think it’s going to happen. The theorists also connected the dots that Don is going to be DB Cooper. I’d say Megan being murdered by Charles Manson has a 0.1% chance of happening, while Don being DB Cooper has a negative 100% chance of happening.
I think these theorists have spent too much time toking back the hashish.
On a related note, Manson was busted for having a cell phone in prison and he’s now engaged to some lunatic girl, so I wonder what cell provider they use. I bet they went to Sprint and got the Framily plan, The Manson Framily Plan.
Some people have said that Mad Men is a show about today that is set in the past. That’s definitely true for season 7, because their Burger Chef pitch was pretty much a combo of The Olive Garden’s “When you’re here you’re family” and the Sprint Framily Plan. Now I hope I will never have to type or hear the word “framily” ever again. Lets just go on pretending that the word “framily” never existed.
Canadian Club Reminds You That You Too Can Have Awesome Crippling Alcoholism Like Don Draper
The season 5 Blu-Ray of Mad Men features this insert and a video about how to make cocktails featuring what the main character Don Draper considers water, Canadian Club. It’s nice to see an alcohol company fully embrace a total alcoholic character like Don Draper (pictured below) instead of asking to have footage of their product removed, like Budweiser is doing to the movie Flight that features Denzel Washington’s alcoholic character drinking Budweiser. It’s nice to have them basically say, “This character gets drunk all day, drinks and drives, and loses his family, but hey, we approve and encourage you to do the same…drink smart!”
Here are some Mad Men ads about Don Draper that Canadian Club might think are too “on the nose.”
- Next time you abandon your family on your daughter’s birthday to go get drunk by the railroad tracks and stare off in to darkness, choose Canadian Club Whiskey: Aged 12 years, the same age as the daughter you’ll disappoint.
- If you enjoy getting slapped by a prostitute on Thanksgiving morning, you’ll enjoy Premium Extra Aged Canadian Club Whisky…Goes down smooth!
- After you cause two people to hang themselves, boy does a classic Canadian Club cocktail hit the spot!
- Ever started drinking on a Friday afternoon and woken up on Sunday morning with some random waitress and a phone call from your ex-wife telling you that you forgot to pick up the kids and that it’s not the day you think it is? Well we hope you chose smooth Canadian Club Whisky.
Stock photo of Don Draper below:
By the way, why isn’t Budweiser also trying to get removed from Mad Men? Don Draper drinks Budweiser (pictured below) when he’s cutting down on his drinking in the season 4 episode Summer Man, of course, “cutting down” meaning only eight drinks a day.
Anyway, drink up! It’s the holidays®™. (Registered trademark, Canadian Club Whisky, 2012.)
This Week In Dumb Yahoo! News
No offense to Steve Buscemi, but when you look at this screencap you think Yahoo is comparing the best looking celebrities with the worst looking. There’s a slight difference between the imperfections of Steve Buscemi and Christina Hendricks: Steve Buscemi’s imperfections are his whole face, while Christina Hendricks’ imperfections are what, exactly? I don’t know, of course I didn’t actually read the article. After all, it was on Yahoo.com, the site whose top story a few weeks ago was that walking on flaming hot coals might be dangerous. It’s also the site that published an article about how to make your own McRibs.
(Come to think of it, Steve Buscemi might take some offense to some of this.)
Mad Men’s Drinks Replaced With Fanta
In the new James Bond movie, they have Bond switch from martinis to Heineken because Heineken funded the movie. Also, in reruns of How I Met Your Mother, they digitally insert ads for new movies in the background. Even worse than both of those, in recent Mad Men reruns, all the characters have switched from alcohol to Fanta, and Fanta is featured heavily in every scene.
Some of the changes:
Roger’s new drink order: “Fanta, easy on the ice.”
Don’s new drink order: “Big and orange.”
Peggy thinks “Would she think I’m racist if I brought out some Grape Fantas? Guess I better stick with orange.”
"It’s caffeine free, so I’m gonna go sleep in my office now."
Megan: “Is this thing on? Oh, it’s a bottle of Fanta? Okay, I’ll sing anyway!”
"Don’t go, I got it, I got it..uhhh, Fanta Orange Soda: the cure for the common orange soda. What? This is the Life Cereal meeting? Okay, okay, I got it, Life Cereal: the cure for the common breakfast cereal…Roger, I’m done!!!"
Ever notice they never cut away from Joan walking out of a room? So did Fanta. Kind of offensive ad placement if you ask me.
Now Joan’s like “Uhh, boys…eyes down here on my giant Fanta logo.”
Come on, Don swimming in Fanta? That just seems like product placement overload.
Way outta line! I didn’t pay a $100 cable bill for a 40 minute long Fanta ad.